THIS IS THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE OF ZIAD JOSÉ
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20.12.2024<br />
I am sitting in a cheap hotel room in Marrakech with artificial cold lighting. <br />
Trapped by consuming exciting stuff. <br />
I follow one rabbithole and when I am done I need the next.<br />
It's hard for my brain to resist cheap entertainment. <br />
I feel the pain of procrastination, often and regularly.<br />
But I can't escape it. 
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I find it hard to gather thoughts right now. <br />
It's like the "thinking part" of my brain is buried deep in my head. <br />
An automated version of myself is running me. It is this automated self that always runs down
these rabbitholes. 
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The only thing that I can gather now from my "thinking self" is that, <br />
it is that art and valueing your own individuality, and being content with your own lifestory.<br />
Seeing meaning in your "unique" way of living. That all might be a self obessive personality "fault". <br />
It might be a type of narcissism. <br />
It might be, that a life that is focused on ensuring your survival and also the survival of your species might be "more true" <br />
than chasing a lifestyle that feels fulfilling because of some abstract ideas that have been planted in your head.<br />
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Like the idea that you are special and that you are magical and wonderful just because you exist and therefore are unique. 
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The idea that you one day will look back at your life, and feel content with all the things you have done.<br />
The idea that you will be an old man one day, and you'll have all these weighty stories to tell.
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I might have been too consumed by such ideas.<br />
I might consider focusing more on survival and subsequently on becoming successful which goes hand in hand with survival. <br />
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23.11.2024<br />
I decided to start writing diary entries here. <br />
I struggle with finishing projects, I struggle with doing anything at all in life to be honest. <br />
My attention is shortlived. So I will leave at least some notes on this page I guess. <br />
This way I can at least feel like I've done something. <br />
At least see some kind of progress , some kind of continuation.<br />
I will have to think about what I will do with this page. <br />
Maybe take one day and do something with it. <br />
And then I will leave these notes on a subpage maybe. <br />
My online diary<br />